My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
