The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
