Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
