You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
