so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
