Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
