the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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