someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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