I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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