it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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