Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
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