She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
