I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
