JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
