WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
