Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
