you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
