I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
