we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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