I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
