saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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