my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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