When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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