I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
