Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
