I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
