I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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