I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
