i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
