so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
