She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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