so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
