Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
