Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
