Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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