is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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