I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
