I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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