so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
