I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
