I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
