I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
