Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
