Sry I called you an 8
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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