theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
