i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
