I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
