yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
