"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
