So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
