he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
